Why do we struggle to ask for what we want and enforce those boundaries? EP275

"You get in life what you have the courage to ask for." - Oprah Winfrey.

EP 275

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In episode 274 of the Mindset & Action Podcast, I sat down with the insightful Vivienne Joy to discuss a topic that many of us, especially women, struggle with—asking for what we want. It’s one of those challenges that seem straightforward, but when it comes to putting it into practice, it's not quite as simple. As Viv and I explored, this struggle often ties back to our fear of rejection and the conditioning we've experienced over the years.

Vivienne highlighted how much of this difficulty stems from our early experiences. From a young age, we learn to navigate the world by asking for things—whether it’s from parents or friends—and often face rejection along the way. These moments shape how we approach asking for what we want as adults. If we’ve been conditioned to associate asking with rejection, it can feel daunting to assert ourselves, even in small situations, like reminding a podcast guest to use the right equipment. I know I've found myself hesitating, feeling that internal struggle.

One powerful point Vivienne made was about the mindset shift we need to make when asking for what we want. Instead of focusing on what we don’t want—like bad sound quality—we should aim to frame our requests positively. It’s about saying, “I’d really like it if you used earphones,” rather than dwelling on the potential negatives. This subtle change can make a big difference in how we feel when we’re asking and how others respond to our requests.

We also delved into the classic "fight, flight, freeze, or fawn" responses, which can kick in when we feel stressed or uncertain. Many women, myself included, lean towards the "fawn" or people-pleasing response. This can make it harder to assert ourselves because we're trying to keep things smooth and avoid conflict. Vivienne explained that this response is often a way to avoid confrontation when we’re already feeling overwhelmed. For me, I realised that being stuck in a high-stress mode for so long can make this tendency even stronger—I just want the easiest path without more stress.

As Vivienne put it, learning to ask for what we want is not just about making the request—it’s about understanding what we truly need. Often, we’re unsure of what that is, and the fear of confronting those deeper needs can hold us back. But as I shared in this episode, having the right support, whether it’s through coaching or therapy, can help us untangle those fears and start making requests with more confidence.

This episode was a reminder that asking for what we want is a journey of self-awareness and growth. It’s about recognising that our needs are valid, and being brave enough to put them out there, even when it feels uncomfortable. If this resonates with you, be sure to check out the episode and connect with Vivienne through the links in the show notes—she’s got a wealth of wisdom that could just be the nudge you need to start asking for what you deserve.

Bye For Now!

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